Friday, 30 November 2007
hate myself
11:39 am
Stress level declined drastically after Psy exam yest. I have no idea why am i placing so much emphasis on psy, but subconsciously (or perhaps it became conscious subsequently) i felt the drive to score well. the paper was manageable for me, but i seriously doubt that an A is coming my way.
perhaps another reason behind mugging so hard for psy is cos' i realised smth about myself: i am so much of an interest-orientated person.
i only do things which i like, and presumably do well in them.
while in nanyang, i detested math so much that not a single tutorial was completed and less than 20% of lectures were attended while i channeled all my energy towards biology and chemistry (i dunno whats going on in my head at tt point of time)
i realised that things ain't gonna work for me so i panicked last minute and worked hard for statistics when A levels was close. sure enough, i failed my math but somehow i managed to pull through to NUS with my sciences.
i remembered telling myself that i would work doubly hard in uni cos this opportunity didnt come easy. i just managed to scrape thru....(and as a result unable to enter sci fac cos of failed math)
things are repeating itself again now. i detested programming.
tutorials not completed, lectures not attended.
i am starting to think tt i am someone who will run away and give up easily in the midst of obstacles. whatever happened to perseverance? perhaps i dont possess this quality.
its fine to brush it away cos i can just S/U it. yea, but that's not the point.
the new S/U policy is meant for us to work hard and only decide to exercise it should results turned out to be bad, NOT for the intention to use it while exams are not even over.
is it just a case of me not liking to coerce myself to do things i dislike, or just a case of giving up easily? i have no idea.
back to psy, the reason i am mugging hard is cos i'm afraid tt i will LOSE the interest should i not do well. so i am motivating myself to work cos its my intended major.
on the contrary, i am sure that most ppl will just force themselves to mug thru any module allocated, independent of their personal liking.
was talking abt it with marcus yest and he belongs to this group of people. he said tt he will not give up a module totally, as much as me.
urgh, i hate myself for behaving like a kid and gives up on smth totally. perhaps, i may not detest programming so much if i was consistent and solve any difficulties i faced right at the beginning.
Labels: Rants
